From Denny: Found these quick little grinners and they are a perfect pick-me-up for the weekend!
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane.
He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted.
The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.
A co-worker tells me about his son and his son's new under-wear with superheroes on it:
One morning the child comes running into the bedroom, grabs the front of his pants and announces proudly, "Ive got Superman in my pants, Daddy. What have you got in yours?"
Before checking, I turned to my wife, "Well, how should I answer him?" She was too busy laughing.
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up
the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Uh, oh... arriving blonde joke...
Harlan says there's a Judi who works at his place. Our receptionist, (yes, she is a blonde), often takes orders to call out for pizza on nights we work late.
One night, after placing an order for two pizza's from around the corner, we asked her how long it would be before they arrived.
She said she was told 40 minutes. When we commented to her that we thought that was a long time, she responded "That seems about right. It takes 20 minutes to cook
a pizza and we ordered 2 of them."
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag.
While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is.
The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does, only he did it backwards!
Turns out a substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
Total groaner:
Did you hear about the disaster at a major U.S. University?
The scientists were cloning monkeys and one of them blew up.
The scientist are trying to determine what went wrong by sifting
through the Rhesus' pieces.
(For anyone outside America: they are referencing the American candy peanut butter and chocolate Reece's Pieces)
Back in the old days my Uncle Bucky bought a new Model A Ford.The next morning he was on his way to work and crashed into a car pulling out from a side street.
Being the witty person that he is, he wrote a letter to the Ford Motor Company..
"I blew my horn, it did no good. And now I have a busted hood". Two days later a delivery truck arrived at his residence with a brand new hood.
*** For more fun, check out the Saturday cartoons:
Cartoonists Cajun Whoop A$$ on Everyone - 40 Funny Political Cartoons - 13 Mar 2010
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